Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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