worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
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