i jhust puked up my retainher.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
