fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Randomize
