i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
