I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
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