no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
