Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
