I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
