when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Randomize
