I hate your face
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
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