So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
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