I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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