Ketchup is God's man juice
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
