can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
