Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
