and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
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