i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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