id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
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