he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
