At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
