It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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