one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
