My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
