Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
