I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
