In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
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