flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
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