no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I touched a dick in church today
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
