I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
