Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize