I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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