one two three fourrrrnication!
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
