he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Randomize
