Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
You did what with his pubic hair?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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