I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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