i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
