I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
