My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
