Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i love accidental penises.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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