Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
