Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
He better not be in your backpack
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
