after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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