Tell her she can't have a vagina
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
