Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
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