he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
