What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
