You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
