at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
