careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
