so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The uberlube is also flammable
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
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