please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
