I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
