My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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