I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
