i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
