Whod you bang
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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