i don't plan on having that self control this summer
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
