Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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