hell yes lets make some ravioli
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
Randomize
