Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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