I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Randomize
