You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
