youre lurking in front of me
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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