In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
