I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
