so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
