if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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