There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
