I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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