Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
