I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
there is another microwave in the elevator.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
